Whomp Whomp

And just like that this cycle hits a road block.

I had thought I updated last week when CD1 rolled around, but I see that I, in fact, did not so lets back up a touch.

The hubs had back surgery on Monday so I took the week off of work to be at home in case he needed anything. CD1 showed up right on time on Tuesday. I went in for my first blood draw on Thursday. I had hoped that since they moved my last BCP up two days and my blood draw up just one day that my estrogen level would be low enough the first time and I wouldn’t have to go back for another check.

Unfortunately that is not what happened. I went in Thursday hoping my level would be at least in the 70s if not lower. Nope, it was 112. Dang. Highest it’s ever been for this draw. Got the message that afternoon that it was high (per usual for me) and that I should go back in on Monday (today for another check). This was a little different in that usually they check a day or two later, not 4. It made me more anxious just because that was a long time to not know what was going on.

Roll around to today….all the nerves this morning. I think deep down I knew something wasn’t right. The extra high number on Thursday even after the longer wait time between CD1 and the blood work had me on edge. It just didn’t feel right.

I went in this morning and had my blood drawn then settled in for a wait. I get my results in my lab’s patient portal long before the clinic calls/messages about them. I didn’t have to wait all that long them them. When I got the message about a new test result I held my breath and scrolled down….117. Crap.

I messaged out agency coordinator as she had emailed me a good luck email in the am. Then I messaged the IFs. Usually I let the clinic update them on the results. This time I didn’t want them to wait all day just for bad news.

I knew I wouldn’t hear from the clinic until later afternoon so I sat in the disappointment for the next several hours wondering what would come next. My guess was an ultrasound to check for a cyst on my ovaries that could be producing estrogen and making my levels stay high.

Around 3:30 I started getting anxious and just ready to get the official news. Just put me out of my misery already. By 4:15 I was very anxious and wondering if they were even going to remember to contact me to tell me not to start my delestrogen injections tonight. I knew they would have to review the results with the doctor and come up with a plan, but they’ve had the results since this morning. I think they put off these bad news calls until the very last minute of the day because nobody wants to make them and nobody wants to receive them. The thing is I already know. I already know the results and have a pretty good idea what it means so the waiting is just anxiety inducing for type A’s like myself.

Finally just before 5pm I emailed our clinic coordinator because I needed to know what to do with my meds. I knew not to start the delestrogen, but needed to know if I should still take the Lupron or not. She emailed me back soon after and said that she was waiting to hear back from the doctor regarding the next step. She said not to start the delestrogen (which I knew) and to take 10u of the Lupron. I was supposed to drop down to 5u, she just had be stay on the previous dose amount. She said I may need to go in for an ultrasound (I’m thinking this is pretty much a guarantee) and asked if I was available on Wednesday. I let her know that I am, but that getting into our local imaging center on short notice can be hit and miss (this is a nice way to put it, the chance of getting in the next few days is almost zero unfortunately). She said she would let me know as soon as possible.

So that’s where we’re at…in limbo. I’m trying not to stress about it, but I’m pretty frustrated that my body isn’t cooperating. I’m working hard to take it in stride and tell myself that things are going to work out how they’re supposed to. I can’t go to the what ifs, I have to just take it a day at a time. I knew I had it easy the first two times around. In my surrogacy Facebook groups I saw cycles canceled, transfers fail, and a myriad of other things that delayed or halted journeys. I counted myself lucky that my first two transfers worked and resulted in happy, healthy babies. I know things like this happen in journeys all the time, now it’s just my turn. It’ll be fine. We’ll get it figured out and deal with whatever comes next.


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