Where We’re At

Currently we are in a sort of limbo. IFs have a phone consultation with the RE on Wednesday (it was originally last week, but the doctor had to reschedule). After that they will decide if they want to go through the process to make more embryos or not.

We had a great video chat the week after we got the negative beta results. It was nice to see them and their daughter. They were very sweet and wanted to make sure that I knew they didn’t blame me at all for it not working. They also wanted me to know that if they decide not to make more embryos it doesn’t have anything to do with me or them not wanting to move forward with me.

I told them to take as much time as they needed to make the decision as I wasn’t in a hurry. They are fairly quick decision makers though so I think they’ll have an answer relatively quickly after their consultation.

I would be absolutely ecstatic if they decided to make more embryos, but I have the gut feeling they’re maybe leaning towards not. That may just be me projecting my feelings that it would be such a process (if I were in their shoes, not a process for me personally). I don’t know. I messaged them later and let them know that as much as I would love it if they made new embryos I don’t want them to feel at all guilty if they decide not to. It’s a daunting process and I would 100% understand if they decided it wasn’t right for their family. Either way I’m very glad that the universe brought us all together to bring their daughter into the world.

As far as post failed transfer me stuff, I’ve been doing good. I do keep thinking things like “oh I should be 6 weeks now” or “we should have an ultrasound coming up this week”. It makes me disappointed again that the transfer didn’t work. I know enough to only have cautiously planned to be pregnant until September, but it was still always in the back of my mind how far along I might be during different things between not and September. Now knowing that it’s not going to be that way is a bummer.

That’s all the updates I have for now. I will update at least one more time after IFs decide which direction is best for them, after that we shall see 🙂

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Beta Results

Yesterday I got to the lab as soon as they opened for my blood draw. There were already a bunch of people there, but it didn’t take too long to get called back.

I got a message about 12:20 saying that I had new test results in my patient portal for the lab. I already knew what they would be as I had taken several at home tests. Unfortunately, this little embryo didn’t stick around and the test was negative 😔

Even though I knew that’s what it was going to be, it was very disappointing to see the <1 result. I am very glad I knew ahead of time and had time to reconcile it with myself. That’s just my personality, it would have been much harder if it was a surprise.

A bit later the coordinator from the clinic left me a voice-mail and a message in that patient portal. She let me know to discontinue all medication and I should start a period in the next 3-4 days.

After I got home I messaged the IFs just to say I’m so sorry it didn’t work out and that I was thinking of them. They had chosen not to know the results of any at home tests like they did last time so they didn’t have the heads up I did. We’re going to have a video chat sometime next week to touch base.

I’ll be playing the waiting game for a bit which is totally fine. We will all need some time to sit with it. We were all very excited to go on this journey together and it came to a quick ending.

It may be awhile before I update as I don’t know what the next steps will be. If IFs decide not to make anymore embryos (which is completely fine and understandable) I’m not sure that I’ll pursue another match any time soon. It would be several months to go through the matching, psych screening, medical screening, legal, and transfer. Starting entirely over right now seems daunting.

It would likely also take several months for new embryos to be made, but since we already have a great relationship I’m 100% willing to wait on that if that’s what they want to do. We wouldn’t be starting completely over. I will just wait and see how things go from here. It’ll work out like it’s supposed to

Thanks for all the good thoughts through this last transfer!

Almost 6dpt

In about 4 hours we’ll be 6dpt. I haven’t been having any symptoms, maybe some mild cramping the last couple days. Other than that I often forget that I’m technically pregnant (until proven otherwise).

The injections are going well. My hips are a bit sore, but not as much as I remember them being in the past. I don’t know if I just haven’t been doing them long enough for them to get more sore or if it’s the different oil it’s in this time.

Outside of that I don’t have much of an update. Blood test is on Thursday the 6th. Fingers crossed!!