I’ve finally decided to share this blog more widely so I thought instead of making any new readers dig through old posts trying to figure out what’s going on I would make a “get you caught up post”.
Here are a some bullet points that I think cover the most important questions you all might have. I probably won’t hit all your questions so feel free to ask me anything. No seriously, I am an open book about this process and I would rather someone ask a maybe not so comfortable question than make assumptions. I want to normalize this a bit because it’s usually something that’s hidden or secret and I don’t think that’s good for anybody. Knowledge is power people!
- I decided to become a surrogate after I had my son in 2013. After struggling to conceive him I knew I wanted to help a couple who needed someone to help grow their family
- In June 2017 I matched with a couple of wonderful intended fathers who live in Europe. I refer to them at B & R on this blog to keep their identities confidential.
- I will not be related to the baby. The frozen embryos were made from an egg donor and the intended fathers.
- The embryo is transferred to me using typical invitro fetilization, meaning I go on meds to prepare my body for the embryo then the embryo is placed in my uterus and hopefully implants and continues to grow for 9ish more months.
- No, I’m not worried about “giving up” the baby. It’s not my baby to begin with. I’m not “giving it up” I’m giving it back. Plus I have absolutely no desire to go through the newborn phase again. I will be happy to leave the hospital and see my kids who (mostly) sleep through the night 😉 (Also I cannot tell you how excited I am to see B & R meet their baby for the first time.)
- No, I’m not making a hundred thousand dollars, I don’t know where people get that number. Am I being compensated? Yes. How much? I don’t feel comfortable broadcasting that, but am happy to discuss it privately with anyone who is curious
- My husband is completely supportive and has my back on this decision
- My kids don’t really understand the concept. My 4 year old has a broad idea of what’s going on as we have had a couple conversations about it. When/if I become pregnant he will know from the start that this baby is not ours and that mommy is only taking care of it for awhile before he/she is ready to go live with his/her dads.
- People will often ask why these people/couples don’t just adopt. This is usually a sensitive subject in the surrogacy world because it’s typically asked by someone who has biological children of their own. First of all kids in foster care or kids who’s birth mother’s put them up for adoption are not the consolation prizes for those who need help having children. They are not a “problem” that infertile couples are responsible for fixing. Second of all it’s not as easy as saying “let’s adopt” and then picking out a child who comes to live with you. Some places gay couples aren’t allowed to adopt. Sometimes a birth mother changes her mind either before birth or months after the baby has been living with the adoptive family. Those stories are not uncommon in the surrogacy world and they are heartbreaking. You can hardly blame someone for not wanting to go through that. Adoption is fantastic and I love that people do it, but it’s not for everyone. There are lots of ways to grow a family and one is not better than the other.
- I am currently in the legal stage of this process. What that means is I have been matched with IPs (intended parents), psychologically cleared, and medically cleared to proceed. Now we’re coming up with a contract we all agree on. Once that’s signed we will pick a transfer date. I start my meds on a schedule and hopefully 9ish months later B & R are meeting their new baby for the first time.
- This blog is about my experiences as a gestational carrier (a surrogate that is not related to the baby she’s carrying), but I also want it to be at least a bit educational. I have found as I’ve told people in person here and there that I’m doing this is that there is a LOT of misinformation and myths about surrogacy floating around. For most people surrogacy isn’t anywhere near their radar so the bits and pieces they do pick up are usually from some sort of media which does it’s best to cast it as odd and shady because that’s what sells. That’s my long round about way of saying that I don’t shy away from the details here. I talk about female body parts, female cycles, blood, guts, and whatever else crosses my path on this journey. If you’re not interested in reading that then here’s your warning that this blog probably isn’t for you. No hard feelings though, I realize not everyone is comfortable with that stuff.
So there you have it in a nutshell. My family is on what I hope continues to be a wonderful journey with B & R. Thanks for reading!