No need for understanding

*I started this post a few weeks ago and sort of forgot about it. I stumbled upon it again today and figured it was time to hit publish πŸ™‚ *

I was reading a compilation of posts/memes the other day (it was titled something like “20 Posts That Women Will Find Funnier Than Men” or something, but one of them really hit home. It read “20 things women should stop wearing after 30. #1-20: the weight of other people’s judgement and expectations.”

My inner feminist yelled “f****** right!” Over the last few years (primarily after I had my first child) I have began to really turn inwards. Not necessarily towards only myself, but towards my little family. The things I do and the decisions I make are for their benefit, no one else’s.

When I decided that I wanted to pursue being a GC (gestational carrier) I spent a lot of time thinking about how this decision would impact my husband and my kids. It involved the not so pleasant task of going through worst case scenarios. After a lot of soul searching I decided that doing this would require sacrifices and it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but the benefits I think it will have will be worth it.

Everyone I have told about becoming a GC has been supportive, granted the number of people in my real life that know is small. They’ve all been supportive, but not all have agreed with or understood the decision. I knew before I applied that I would encounter this (I also know I will encounter plenty of people who are vocal in their disapproval, but I’ll cross that bridge later). I knew that people would struggle to wrap their heads around this idea. For me this is something I have been thinking about for years, but surrogacy probably has never been on most of these people’s radar.

Thats where the previous quote comes in. I don’t need them to understand. Do I want them to be educated about it before they make a decision? Of course, and I’m more than happy to answer questions, but I don’t need them to understand why I am choosing this path. I don’t need them to approve. I am not going to wear the weight of their judgements, why should I?

It’s truly freeing to reach this point in my life. I used to worry what people thought about me everyday. I guess even now I do to a certain extent, I mean I mostly wear clean clothes and usually wear makeup so I must care some. When it comes to decisions I’ve made or doing what I think is best for us, I don’t factor in other people’s expectations or judgement. You do you and I’ll do me.

I’m not saying it’s always easy, sometimes it’s really hard to swim upstream and it takes a serious concentrated effort to shake off the shackles of expectations, whether they’re societal, familial, or something else. It’s completely worth it though.

I hope every woman is able to eventually to get to a similar point. So, you want some fashion advice? Stop wearing other people’s expectations and judgements πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»


2 thoughts on “No need for understanding

  1. I couldn’t agree more! After reading your blog, I started to think about the impact being a GC would have on your life. You *know* people are going to ask about the baby. But how will they respond if you decide to tell them you’re carrying it for someone else? Personally, I think it’s one of the most selfless acts a person can perform for another human being. Unfortunately, not everyone shares that view. (I don’t understand why, but I guess I don’t have to.) πŸ˜‰
    I want to adopt and I’m worried I’ll get a lot of kick back from family. I really don’t care what strangers think, but adoption impacts the whole family. I know it’s not really the same thing, but on that level, I can empathize. I think you’re amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you! Honestly though I’m getting something out of it too so it’s not completely selfless. It’s mutually beneficial to both parties. ☺️
      My mom is one of the people who doesn’t understand why I’m doing this. She’s fully supportive, but I can tell she struggles to understand why I want to do this for strangers.
      For me education about this is so important. I find that a lot of people have either no knowledge or are misinformed. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to start this blog so that people can get real info and a real GC’s perspective. If/when I end up pregnant I will share it publicly on Facebook so more people see it (in the meantime I’m somewhat superstitious so I feel like sharing in with everyone in my life would be jinxing myself LOL).

      Liked by 1 person

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