*I started this post a few weeks ago and sort of forgot about it. I stumbled upon it again today and figured it was time to hit publish 🙂 *
I was reading a compilation of posts/memes the other day (it was titled something like “20 Posts That Women Will Find Funnier Than Men” or something, but one of them really hit home. It read “20 things women should stop wearing after 30. #1-20: the weight of other people’s judgement and expectations.”
My inner feminist yelled “f****** right!” Over the last few years (primarily after I had my first child) I have began to really turn inwards. Not necessarily towards only myself, but towards my little family. The things I do and the decisions I make are for their benefit, no one else’s.
When I decided that I wanted to pursue being a GC (gestational carrier) I spent a lot of time thinking about how this decision would impact my husband and my kids. It involved the not so pleasant task of going through worst case scenarios. After a lot of soul searching I decided that doing this would require sacrifices and it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but the benefits I think it will have will be worth it.
Everyone I have told about becoming a GC has been supportive, granted the number of people in my real life that know is small. They’ve all been supportive, but not all have agreed with or understood the decision. I knew before I applied that I would encounter this (I also know I will encounter plenty of people who are vocal in their disapproval, but I’ll cross that bridge later). I knew that people would struggle to wrap their heads around this idea. For me this is something I have been thinking about for years, but surrogacy probably has never been on most of these people’s radar.
Thats where the previous quote comes in. I don’t need them to understand. Do I want them to be educated about it before they make a decision? Of course, and I’m more than happy to answer questions, but I don’t need them to understand why I am choosing this path. I don’t need them to approve. I am not going to wear the weight of their judgements, why should I?
It’s truly freeing to reach this point in my life. I used to worry what people thought about me everyday. I guess even now I do to a certain extent, I mean I mostly wear clean clothes and usually wear makeup so I must care some. When it comes to decisions I’ve made or doing what I think is best for us, I don’t factor in other people’s expectations or judgement. You do you and I’ll do me.
I’m not saying it’s always easy, sometimes it’s really hard to swim upstream and it takes a serious concentrated effort to shake off the shackles of expectations, whether they’re societal, familial, or something else. It’s completely worth it though.
I hope every woman is able to eventually to get to a similar point. So, you want some fashion advice? Stop wearing other people’s expectations and judgements 👍🏻👍🏻