We have a match!!!

I still can hardly wrap my head around it, but it’s true! I actually got the news Friday morning, but we’ve had a whirlwind weekend and I wanted to let it sink in a bit before I wrote this post.

I’ll back up a bit though. As I wrote in my previous post, I got the email introducing these potential IFs the Thursday before last. I replied that I would love to move forward with a video meeting. I had hoped to hear something that Friday, but didn’t. I thought for sure I’d wake up to an email on Monday morning (my agency is on the east coast so I frequently wake up to their emails due to the time difference), but there was still nothing. I finally decided to wrote another email since I hadn’t hit “reply all” on the previous one. (This was hopefully my less obnoxious way of saying “hey you haven’t emailed me back ๐Ÿ˜‰)

A short time later there was an email in my inbox. The lady had drafted it, but forgot to send it. She let me know that she was passing me along to a case manager (K) who would be setting up the video meeting.

K emailed me a short time later and after a couple emails back and forth we settled on a last Thursday at 11am my time. My husband was working out of town that day so he couldn’t make it, but she said that was no big deal.

I anxiously awaited the meeting. Thursday morning I woke up at 5:45 and could not go back to sleep. This is incredibly unusual for me. Anyone who knows me can attest to how much I love sleep and detest waking up early. Nerves got the best of me that morning though and I tossed and turned while my brain went a mile a minute until the kids woke up.

I got up, took the kids to daycare and came back home for my test meeting with K to make sure I could get the website working correctly. After a couple confusing minutes I got it all working and “met” her for the first time. She’s super sweet and I liked her right off the bat. We said goodbye for about an hour and half.

At 10:50am I was sitting my computer again having a minor freak out. I was about to “meet” the guys that I might end up carrying a baby for. It seemed so surreal. What if I bumble and stumble when it’s my turn to talk? What if I do the thing where I over explain things when I’m nervous? What if I come across as completely inarticulate? What if….Then I told myself, out loud, that I’m a grown ass woman staring 31 in the face. I’m certainly capable of having a conversation with other adults without making an ass out of myself.

I logged in and was greeted by K and L who was listening in on the meeting. After a few minutes the guys joined in and the meeting was under way! Luckily I didn’t have to talk much for the first half of the meeting and it calmed my nerves a bit.

The guys were so sweet and I loved listening to, let’s call him B, talk about their lives up until now. R (that’s what we’ll call the second IF) was quiet which reminded me of the dynamics between my husband and I. My husband is very quiet and doesn’t talk much to people he doesn’t know well. I’m usually the one who does most of talking. It was very much the same with B and R, one did most of the talking and the other was just taking it all in. I liked seeing my husband and I reflected in them.

The meeting went very well and we agreed on all the important subjects that need to be gone over with a surrogacy. K went over next steps with us if we decide to move forward with this match. At the end of the meeting K said she would be emailing each of us to get our thoughts and if we wanted to move forward. She said she was typing up the email right then so we would get it in literally a minute. We said goodbye with B & R saying that if I thought of anything else I wanted to know that they would be happy to answer my questions. They thanked me for considering them and said that they are amazed that woman are willing to do something like this for someone else. It was very touching to hear that they will truly care about their surrogate. I told them that I am also happy to answer any questions they have as well. I told them that I realize what a huge thing it is for them to put so much trust in person to carry their child and I am honored that they are considering me.

K emailed showed up literally as soon as I logged off. I immediately emailed her back letting her know that I thought R & B were amazing and that I would love to move forward with them. It was still relatively early so I thought I would hear back soon. I didn’t hear anything that night so I thought that they probably wanted to sleep on it. I thought for sure I’d get an email Friday morning, but nope. The entire time waiting I was a bundle of nerves. My stomach was anxious and I didn’t feel like eating much. I went over the whole meeting again in my head. Did I say something wrong? Did I come across as someone who they don’t want carrying their baby? Did the fact that my insurance won’t cover the pregnancy turn them off? I knew it wasn’t the end of the world if they decided against working with me, but their situation was exactly what I was hoping for. International IFs that had embryos ready to go in a clinic that’s in a city our little airport actually has a direct flight to…that’s everything I was looking for.

Finally I emailed K again just to see when I might have an answer (we were headed up to Great Wolf Lodge and I didn’t want to spend the time up there worrying and being anxious about it). I let her know that I totally understand if they need a few days to think on it, but that I was excited and anxious waiting to hear. She emailed me back very shortly after and said that she had just talked to them and that they want to work with me! She said she was finishing up some administrative things and would send me another with the next steps. She thought I’d get it within the hour, but it hasn’t showed up yet. Honestly though it’s not a big deal because all I wanted to know was if I’d been matched and that answer was yes!!

We’re hoping to get me medical screening done before we head out on our camping trip in mid/late July, but that’s a pretty tight timeline so it may end up being after we get back. For right now I have to keep reminding myself that this is real and that it’s not some in the distant “it’ll happen someday” future, I’m actually doing it right now, yay!!

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Maybe a Match?

Yesterday, much sooner than I expected, I received the profile for the IFs (intended fathers) the agency had in mind for me. Despite not actually expecting to hear anything until next week I jump for my phone whenever it dinged with a new email. About 10 minutes before I had to jump in the car to go donate blood it showed up in my inbox. “Introducing…” Cue the adrenaline and excitement! I couldn’t open it fast enough.

In the note from A (surrogate coordinator) she said that the IFs had reviewed my profile and basically said they really liked me and my story. They asked that their info be passed along to me to see if I would want to move forward with a video meeting. They had written a very sweet letter to their potential carrier that described them, their families, and why they want a child of their own. They included a couple pictures of themselves as well. It was great to finally put faces to the potential IFs that have been floating around in my imagination. I also received a note from T (who did our home visit) that said these are some of her absolute favorite IFs ever. Just from what I read in their letter they seem so kind and committed to family, any child would be so loved and lucky to have them for dads.

A said that I should take a day or two (less if I was sure) and then let her know if I wanted to move forward with a video meeting. I was immediately ready to write her back “yes! yes! yes!”, but thought I should at least give AJ an opportunity to look over their info as well so I forwarded it to him. Then when I got to the blood donation center I texted him to ask if he had gotten it LOL. I made sure he was on board and then I emailed back saying “Yes! I definitely want to move forward”.

All this was taking place while I was getting checked into the Red Cross and if you’ve never donated blood before they require your pulse to be under 100 in order to donate. My pulse has always ran high anyway, but now we were adding in the fact that I was seriously pumped up! Luckily for me I don’t think the girl taking my pulse counted right and I was under the threshold LOL

I had kind of expected to hear something back today about getting the Skype session scheduled since I had emailed back around noon yesterday. She’s either out of the office or she had other stuff to attend to because I didn’t receive any new info (I actually checked 4 or 5 times to make sure that I had in fact sent the email yesterday). Hopefully next week we can set the session scheduled and then I can spend the time in between being completely nervous and excited. I can be so socially awkward when I’m nervous and I really really hope I don’t do something terribly embarrassing :-/ I would hate for them to not want to move forward because I can be a bumbling dork sometimes LOL

I’m feeling very lucky that we have a full weekend ahead so that the waiting doesn’t drag on. To be honest we’re pretty busy from now until the end of summer ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy weekending!

Holding Pattern

Here’s one of the hurry up and wait parts of the surrogacy process. My insurance review was done last Wednesday. I verified with the agency that they did receive the report from ART Risk (the insurance review company). I feel like they tend to get busy towards the end of the week so I didn’t expect to hear anything more last week. I was however very much looking forward to an email this morning telling me the next step. I was bummed when there wasn’t anything. I have no problem being the initiator though (I probably drive them nuts to be honest) so I sent a quick email asking what the next step is and if I needed to be scheduling anything. I obsessively checked my email all day, but resigned myself to waiting another day when I hadn’t heard anything by 2pm (the agency is based on the East Coast so it would have quitting time for them). About 45 min later I got a reply giving me an update.

Due to what’s going on in the US with health insurance things are kind of up in the air a bit. Pregnancy may end up being considered a preexisting condition which means I would have to not be pregnant when my potential IPs purchased insurance for me during open enrollment which isn’t until this fall. ย The update was that they have been figuring out some insurance options and have been emailing “the guys” about them! I had no idea that they had been communicating about me yet! I’m really hoping that my lack of usable insurance isn’t a deal breaker for them. I know that they are super anxious to get things going as they already have frozen embryos ready to go. I’m also super anxious to get things moving! So right now I’m just waiting for something to happen LOL

When I asked if the insurance thing would cause any delay, T didn’t seem to think it would cause much of an issue just because there’s still a lot of things to get done before I’d be ready to transfer. I still have to actually find a match (please cross your fingers that the one in works is “the one”!), which means a Skype meeting with potential IPs and agreeing that we want to work together. Then my records would have to be reviewed by the IPs fertility clinic and if accepted I would have to fly to that clinic and had a medical screening. After med screening, if I’m cleared, we would start contracts. Once the contracts are signed the clinic would set up my medication schedule, set a tentative transfer date and I would be cleared to start cycling. Then comes A LOT of monitoring appts at a local clinic and lots of medication. Finally would come the transfer that we would all cross our fingers would work on the first try.

The way things move in the surrogacy world all that will take some time. Like I said, I am anxious to get things moving and was originally hoping that I would be able to transfer in late August, early September. That’s still a possibility if pregnancy doesn’t become a preexisting condition. If it does I’m probably looking at a Nov/Dec transfer (at least I’m hoping that’s as late as it would be). I have seen stories where surrogates are matched for a year or more before any transfers take place. Obviously that’s not ideal, but I’ll have to see where the surrogacy road takes me.

I’ll update when I have something new ๐Ÿ™‚

Home Visit? Check!

Monday we had our home visit with T from the agency. It went great, she was so sweet and my son was absolutely infatuated. At the end he was telling her she couldn’t leave without having dinner (it was noon) and he told her that she could stay and sleep in his bed if she wanted to spend the night. Oh and I think he threw in an “I love you” and asked her if she would always remember him…I think we may be in trouble with that one in a few years!

The home visit basically consisted of her going over some of my answer to application questions, what made me want to be a surrogate, what kind of parents am I willing to work with, how many embryos would I want to transfer, those kind of things. One thing I thought was interesting, I had said that I was willing to work with any type of parents, single, married, gay, straight, doesn’t matter to me. ย She asked me specifically if I would be willing to work with a single father, I said “of course.” She said that a lot of surrogates say no to a single dad, even those who say they’re open to any parent(s) will balk when she specifically asks about a single father. I found that a little odd, obviously it’s whatever the surrogate is comfortable with, but I can’t imagine denying a child to someone who obviously has a strong desire to be a parent because they happen to be a single man. Weird.

The other type of parent(s) she said a lot of surrogates say no to is international couples. I would LOVE to work with an international couple, I think it would be such a great experience. In fact when she asked if I any type of preference or what my ideal situation would be I said carrying for an international gay couple would be it.

I’m glad to have the home visit out of the way so I don’t have to worry about keeping the house cleaned up. It did make us take the time to do some spring cleaning though so there’s the silver lining.

The next thing I have lined up is an insurance review scheduled in about 40 minutes. The agency hires an independent company that specializes in reviewing insurance policies to determine any IVF/Surrogacy coverage. The company is going to call me then patch in my insurance company so I can give them the okay to discuss my insurance coverage with the 3 party reviewer. I already know that my insurance won’t cover my pregnancy if I’m acting as a surrogate. They have a very specific line under the exclusions referring to it so this review is just a formality.

I’m going to email the agency in a minute to find out what the next step is after the insurance stuff. I’m hoping we can move on to matching, but we may need to do a psych eval first. I’m so ready to start the matching process I hope we can get to it soon!