I still can hardly wrap my head around it, but it’s true! I actually got the news Friday morning, but we’ve had a whirlwind weekend and I wanted to let it sink in a bit before I wrote this post.
I’ll back up a bit though. As I wrote in my previous post, I got the email introducing these potential IFs the Thursday before last. I replied that I would love to move forward with a video meeting. I had hoped to hear something that Friday, but didn’t. I thought for sure I’d wake up to an email on Monday morning (my agency is on the east coast so I frequently wake up to their emails due to the time difference), but there was still nothing. I finally decided to wrote another email since I hadn’t hit “reply all” on the previous one. (This was hopefully my less obnoxious way of saying “hey you haven’t emailed me back 😉)
A short time later there was an email in my inbox. The lady had drafted it, but forgot to send it. She let me know that she was passing me along to a case manager (K) who would be setting up the video meeting.
K emailed me a short time later and after a couple emails back and forth we settled on a last Thursday at 11am my time. My husband was working out of town that day so he couldn’t make it, but she said that was no big deal.
I anxiously awaited the meeting. Thursday morning I woke up at 5:45 and could not go back to sleep. This is incredibly unusual for me. Anyone who knows me can attest to how much I love sleep and detest waking up early. Nerves got the best of me that morning though and I tossed and turned while my brain went a mile a minute until the kids woke up.
I got up, took the kids to daycare and came back home for my test meeting with K to make sure I could get the website working correctly. After a couple confusing minutes I got it all working and “met” her for the first time. She’s super sweet and I liked her right off the bat. We said goodbye for about an hour and half.
At 10:50am I was sitting my computer again having a minor freak out. I was about to “meet” the guys that I might end up carrying a baby for. It seemed so surreal. What if I bumble and stumble when it’s my turn to talk? What if I do the thing where I over explain things when I’m nervous? What if I come across as completely inarticulate? What if….Then I told myself, out loud, that I’m a grown ass woman staring 31 in the face. I’m certainly capable of having a conversation with other adults without making an ass out of myself.
I logged in and was greeted by K and L who was listening in on the meeting. After a few minutes the guys joined in and the meeting was under way! Luckily I didn’t have to talk much for the first half of the meeting and it calmed my nerves a bit.
The guys were so sweet and I loved listening to, let’s call him B, talk about their lives up until now. R (that’s what we’ll call the second IF) was quiet which reminded me of the dynamics between my husband and I. My husband is very quiet and doesn’t talk much to people he doesn’t know well. I’m usually the one who does most of talking. It was very much the same with B and R, one did most of the talking and the other was just taking it all in. I liked seeing my husband and I reflected in them.
The meeting went very well and we agreed on all the important subjects that need to be gone over with a surrogacy. K went over next steps with us if we decide to move forward with this match. At the end of the meeting K said she would be emailing each of us to get our thoughts and if we wanted to move forward. She said she was typing up the email right then so we would get it in literally a minute. We said goodbye with B & R saying that if I thought of anything else I wanted to know that they would be happy to answer my questions. They thanked me for considering them and said that they are amazed that woman are willing to do something like this for someone else. It was very touching to hear that they will truly care about their surrogate. I told them that I am also happy to answer any questions they have as well. I told them that I realize what a huge thing it is for them to put so much trust in person to carry their child and I am honored that they are considering me.
K emailed showed up literally as soon as I logged off. I immediately emailed her back letting her know that I thought R & B were amazing and that I would love to move forward with them. It was still relatively early so I thought I would hear back soon. I didn’t hear anything that night so I thought that they probably wanted to sleep on it. I thought for sure I’d get an email Friday morning, but nope. The entire time waiting I was a bundle of nerves. My stomach was anxious and I didn’t feel like eating much. I went over the whole meeting again in my head. Did I say something wrong? Did I come across as someone who they don’t want carrying their baby? Did the fact that my insurance won’t cover the pregnancy turn them off? I knew it wasn’t the end of the world if they decided against working with me, but their situation was exactly what I was hoping for. International IFs that had embryos ready to go in a clinic that’s in a city our little airport actually has a direct flight to…that’s everything I was looking for.
Finally I emailed K again just to see when I might have an answer (we were headed up to Great Wolf Lodge and I didn’t want to spend the time up there worrying and being anxious about it). I let her know that I totally understand if they need a few days to think on it, but that I was excited and anxious waiting to hear. She emailed me back very shortly after and said that she had just talked to them and that they want to work with me! She said she was finishing up some administrative things and would send me another with the next steps. She thought I’d get it within the hour, but it hasn’t showed up yet. Honestly though it’s not a big deal because all I wanted to know was if I’d been matched and that answer was yes!!
We’re hoping to get me medical screening done before we head out on our camping trip in mid/late July, but that’s a pretty tight timeline so it may end up being after we get back. For right now I have to keep reminding myself that this is real and that it’s not some in the distant “it’ll happen someday” future, I’m actually doing it right now, yay!!