Come on CD 1

When I first applied to become a surrogate last summer A (surrogate recruiter at the agency) mentioned that RE’s (reproductive endocrinologist) prefer that surrogates not have an IUD (which I did at that time) because there’s some preliminary research and anecdotal evidence that suggests IUDs may cause a woman to have a thinner uterine lining. So at that time I went ahead and had my IUD removed and I started back on the pill.  Then because we had a couple vacations planned, my surrogacy journey was postponed until now. After a couple months of being back on BCP (birth control pills) I realized that I was constantly feeling nauseous, like I had morning sickness. By that time AJ had already had a vasectomy and I was only taking the birth control because it was the kind where you only get a period every 3 months and the fewer the better 😛 Since it was making me constantly nauseous I stopped taking it.

Apparently my body forgot what it was supposed to be doing or it realized that we don’t need anymore rascals of our own so it decided it didn’t need to keep any sort of schedule. My cycles have been all over the page which was fine for awhile because it didn’t really matter when I ovulated or had a period. Now that I’m back into actively pursuing surrogacy I need to get on regular, monthly BCPs so that we can anticipate when CD (cycle day) 1 will be so when I’m ready to start meds for a transfer we can have an idea when I will need to start meds and when a transfer may be scheduled for.

A told me that most RE’s like a surrogate to have been on BCP for two cycles before a transfer. I would like to be ready for a transfer in August….and as of now I’m on CD 58 :/ seriously? One of the few times I’m actually looking forward to CD1 and it’s being elusive. I keep thinking that I’m having PMS symptoms or cramps and then nothing comes of it. It’s frustrating because I want to be doing something to move this journey along and for today there’s nothing I can do except wait for the home visit on Monday. Just another opportunity to practice patience 😛

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Home Visit Scheduled!

The agency I chose to go with is one that does home visits. Not all agencies do them and not all those that do go about them the same way. My agency sends one of their own employees out to make sure that their surrogates live in a clean, safe, happy environment.

Our home visit is scheduled for June 5th, less than a week away! I’m a little nervous about it just because our house isn’t fancy by any means and we have 2 small children who make sure that it looks like a tornado came through every single day. Right now we have a piece of plywood under our fridge because the water line leaked and rotted out the floor. We’re replacing our entire floors soon so we didn’t want to spend the money to patch it when we would just rip it up. I’m worried that it’s going to come off as trashy 😛

One thing we have going for us is that the visit is on a Monday so we have all weekend to get the house looking acceptable. That being said it’s not like we’re living in a slum so I’m pretty sure we should be fine. From what I’ve read it’s mostly to make sure you’re not living in a hoarder’s house or lying about your living situation. All in all I think it’s a great thing that they do to reassure their IPs that their surrogates are in a good situation.

Once the home visit is completed, AJ and I will need to get psych evaluations done. I’m not sure how the agency conducts them. I think they have them done via Skype. I’m thinking about emailing A (the surrogate coordinator) to find out what is left for us to do so that I know what the next steps are, but I don’t want to come off as annoying 🙂

Like I mentioned before, this is very much a hurry up and wait process…a good opportunity to work on having patience 😀

Current Status

Here’s where I’m at in the “becoming a surrogate” process. I’ve been accepted by an agency based out of MD. I went with them for a few different reasons. They have stellar reviews on multiple sites and from current and past surrogates in different Facebook groups. Their philosophy is that everyone can have a family and that really spoke to me. As I mentioned before, I’ve felt a particular calling recently to help a gay couple have a baby so that mission statement from them hit me in the heart. From my first contact with A, their surrogate coordinator/recruiter they have been great to work with. They are friendly, helpful, and always willing to answer all my questions. Also, they were willing to work with me even though I had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy. For some agencies that disqualifies me even though it was diet controlled and caused no complications. The agency let me know that because it was completely diet controlled (and didn’t even require a strict diet) that I still qualify with them (this was huge for me as I was so worried when I was diagnosed with GD that it would be the end of my surrogacy journey).

So, I’ve been accepted, what does that mean? They have my records, info, and we have had a couple talks on the phone. At this point we are working on getting a home visit scheduled, hopefully the first week in June. From there we’ll get into matching and there’s no knowing how long that might take. Then it’s medical clearance. Somewhere in there there’s a psych eval as well. After the medical and psych clearance it’s onto contracts then we start either a mock cycle or a transfer cycle. There’s probably some steps I’m missing, but that’s the general idea.

A emailed me about some potential IPs (intended parents) and honestly they sound amazing. They’re an international gay couple. They were previously matched, but their GC (gestational carrier) didn’t work out so they’re searching again. A had wonderful things to say about them and I immediately said “Yes!! I would definitely be interested in talking to them!” I’m really trying not to get my hopes up yet, but this is exactly the type of couple/situation I’ve been hoping for. It would be so amazing if this worked out. I would love to be able to transfer in August or September.

So that’s where I’m at, learning how to hurry up and wait 🙂 in the interim I’ve been reading through surrogacy blogs and they have me so excited to really get this journey started!

The Beginning

“Let’s start at the very beginning

A very good place to start

When you read you begin with ABC

When you sing you begin with Do Re Mi”

Ok, I’m done with my ode to Julie Andrews (God, I love that woman)

I should start at the beginning, but I’ll try to keep it brief. I met my husband when I was 12 and he was 13. He’ll tell you it was love at first sight for him, me not so much. It would take a few years and a haircut on his part for me to decide there was something there. We moved in together when I was 19. At 23 we got married. When I was 25 we took a leap of faith and moved away from our hometowns and our families. I was 26 when we bought our house and 27 when we had our son. Our daughter was born when I was 29 and that pretty much bring us up to now as I’m looking down the barrel at 31. Typed out like that it seems like our life together has been a whirlwind, and the last 5 years it definitely has been. When you’re living it though you’re just getting from one day to the next, especially when you throw littles into the mix. Life is now starting to take on a slightly slower rhythm and we’re ready for another adventure.

I don’t remember learning about surrogacy, it seems like I’ve always known about it on some level. I do know when it became something I wanted to pursue. Without going into details, we struggled a bit to conceive our son. It was 11 months filled with frustration, anger, and worry. After he was born I remember looking at him and just feeling grateful. During the months we struggled I saw so many stories of people who had struggled harder and longer and underwent more procedures than us. I still see it from friends and family. Looking at my baby I couldn’t imagine going through that for years. Then I realized that I was in a position to help someone fulfill their dream of becoming a parent. I knew in an instant that I wanted to be a surrogate. I knew I needed to be done with our family first and we knew we wanted at least one more child. After I got pregnant with our daughter we knew we would be done after her and I knew that once she was a bit older I’d be ready to pursue surrogacy.

Now she’s almost two and the time is right. A lot has happened since that moment that I decided I wanted to carry someone else’s baby, both in my personal life and in our country. I’m not going to dive into politics here, but let’s just say that we live in a trying time. I’ve always been pro LBGTQ, I believe in equal rights for every single person and I loathe those who would restrict anyone’s natural born rights. When I first thought about surrogacy my mind went to a intended mother (IM) who had been struggling with her body trying to carry a child. I wanted to help her, to let her know that she’s not less of a woman because she can’t carry a child. I wanted to offer to grow her baby and I would imagine the joy on her face when she met her child for the first time. I would still love to live that experience, but in the last couple years I’ve become more acutely aware of the discrimination LBGTQ people are facing and a new scenario made it’s way into my mind. A same sex couple that probably face some sort of discrimination more often than not. They may have been told that they aren’t suitable parents, that they would raise their child to be gay. They’ve probably been stared at, pointed at, maybe heard whispers behind their backs. I imagine their faces when they meet their child for the first time in a delivery room and a smile never fails to creep across my face. I’m truly okay with any scenario that involves a person or persons who have been longing for a child meeting them for the first time after I deliver the baby, but I feel drawn to helping a gay couple.

Right now I’m in the screening and matching process. I’m open to whatever match feels right. I’m so incredibly happy to be starting this journey. I’m anxious to get things moving, but I know from my research that surrogacy can very much be “hurry up and wait” so it will be a good exercise in patience.